Chasing Rainbows, Part 3

Seamus, still gripping the coin tightly in case the leprechaun tried any tricks, found Sean’s car, and with a squeal of tires he was on the road back home. After a few miles, he noticed a building he hadn’t seen before, and slowed down to investigate. The sign said “Lou Corpan’s Little Shop O’ Wonder”, and it definitely had not been there yesterday. Curiosity overcame Seamus’ rage, and he parked the car and went inside.

The shop hadn’t been there yesterday, but it looked like one of those antique shops that’s been around even longer than its merchandise, with hardwood floors scuffed and worn with age, and nooks and crannies everywhere that had no apparent function. But the items on the display stands somehow gave the impression of being far older than the things you usually find in antique shops. For example, the shirt on the mannequin in front was a style that must have been a thousand years old. Yet the shirt gleamed white – seemed even to shimmer, as if generating its own light. The label on the stand read “St. Patrick’s Lorica – the genuine item!” There were swords, not the decorative swords you usually find in these places, but unadorned, heavy-looking things that were basically really BIG butcher’s knives. One in particular looked as if you could shave with it, if you didn’t mind the risk of shaving your head right off. And there was a heavy, black iron cauldron that caught Seamus’ attention – it looked like it might be the sort to hold a leprechaun’s hoarded gold. But as he approached, he suddenly felt very cold, and the thing seemed to hum with menace, so he backed away again, knocking over an iron coat rack as he did so. He spun around and tried, too late, to catch it, as it fell onto the specially sharp-looking sword – and as the two-inch-thick iron post touched the sword, there was a noise that sounded something like “sssrrik”, and the coat rack fell into two pieces, sliced through as neatly and easily as with a laser.

A moment after the crash, a short, bearded man came out of a back room looking around for the source of the noise. He pulled a pipe out of his mouth as he approached Seamus to greet him. The shopkeeper was dressed in old, shabby brown clothes, except for his shoes, which were new and had shiny buckles on them. In a deep, rolling baritone which was surprising from a man four feet tall, he waved off Seamus’ apologies and said,

“Welcome to my shop. I’m Lou Corpan, owner and operator. Don’t worry about the coat rack, it’s worthless, just junk to foist on the ignorant customers. But you, sir, you look like an intelligent lad, one who’d only be lookin’ for somethin’ worthwhile. Would you be interested in purchasing any of our rare and exotic items? I have here…” -and now the shopkeeper demonstrated each item as he named it, moving with dizzying speed- “a shirt that makes the wearer invulnerable” (so saying, he shot at the mannequin in front with a crossbow as big as Seamus, but the bolt shattered against the shimmering garment) “a harp that changes the seasons” (with a strum the sky outside suddenly turned gray with snow, and with another strum it was spring again), “a cauldron that can raise the dead” (pointing to the humming cauldron, but, Seamus noticed, not touching it), “oh, I wouldn’t touch that golden bowl if I were you, sir, it’ll put you to sleep for a thousand years” (Seamus hastily pulled his hand away from the tempting glint, and down went another coat rack with a “sssrrik”) “I see you’ve already found the sword that can cut anything in the world in half, don’t worry, I’ll clean that up later … there’s also a cloak that makes the wearer” (he whipped the cloak around himself and vanished suddenly, but his voice went on) invisible” whip, and the shopkeeper had reappeared, “A cap that lets you (here Lou stuck his head into an aquarium full of murky water and dark, wriggly, eel-like fish, and continued speaking without pause) “breathe underwater, and in here are the last snakes in Ireland since St. Patrick chased them away” (he tugged playfully on the tail of one of the eels, which snapped at him) “and good riddance too, and we have a rose that never withers, been here for ages, never even watered it, and all kinds of amazin’ things. What do you think, sir? As a special, since we’ve just opened and you’re our first customer, you can have anything you like, for just one coin, no matter how small.” So saying, Lou Corpan, owner and operator, seemed to notice that his head was still underwater, and pulled it out of the aquarium. When he removed the cap, his hair wasn’t even wet. “Oh, and I also sell shoes with lovely shiny buckles – make ‘em meself, right here, all sizes.”

“I want” said Seamus, decidedly, “an inexhaustible supply of money.”

“I have the very thing right here” replied Lou, snatching something from a display case. “A silver coin that returns to its owner after it’s spent. You go to the store, buy what you need, pay with the coin, and when you leave it’s back in your pocket and you can spend it somewhere else. I’ll trade you this coin for whatever money you have with you, just ‘cause you look like a hard-workin’ man who deserves a break.”

Seamus, of course, should have known better than to trust anyone who said he looked like a hard-working man, but he was still reeling from his disappointment with the rainbow, and agreed to the trade. As Seamus left the shop and drove away, Lou pulled a silver coin from his pocket and grinned, saying to himself, “O’ course, I am still the coin’s owner, the silly man never asked for a receipt”, and disappeared, along with the shop.

(To be continued...)

© John M. Munzer