Other stories
have been told of what would happen in a comic book world if a kid asked the
Make-a-Wish foundation for a chance to meet a super-villain instead of a
superhero. This is the story of what happened when a child asked to meet Doctor
Gene Splicer…
Chapter 1
“Say that
again, but make sense this time.”
“Okay, Doctor,
but it’s the same message as before. The word got put out that a kid at the hospital
wants to meet you, and considers this his last request. Apparently he’s really
fascinated by genetic research, and he knows that you’re light-years ahead of
everyone else in the field.”
Doctor Gene
Splicer stared at nothing for a full minute, trying to process the idea that anyone,
let alone a child, actively WANTED to meet him and talk with him. (Other than
law enforcement, naturally, and of course the Masked Vigilante).
“And the usual
agreement in these cases will hold? The police and the so-called heroes will
make no attempt to arrest or follow me as long as I am not an immediate threat?”
“Correct.
You will do nothing to endanger anyone, and the enforcers of the law will in
turn do nothing to inhibit you. It will be a truce. And as you must know, the
one time a villain broke the truce, he was hunted down and – ”
“Yes, we all
know what happened to him” the Doctor interrupted hastily. “I saw the results. It
was quite understandable, but not even Dread Lord Painmaker would have taken it
quite so far as The Caseworker did. I may someday forget the image of The Bowery
Bastard’s remains, but not any time soon.”
“They never
did find his other ear, did they.”
“No… no,
they did not.”
“Or his
other testic – ”
“That’s enough,
I told you I saw what he looked like afterwards” shuddered Splicer.
“Just want
to make sure you understand how seriously the arrangement is taken. Neither
heroes, nor villains, will rest for a moment until vengeance is achieved. And
any truce-breaker caught by a hero or villain will STILL have gotten off easy
compared to one caught by The Caseworker.”
“The warning
is unnecessary, I have no intention of harming the boy. But it’s worth
remembering to be very clear about that intention as I attend the meeting. Tell
the Foundation that I agree to their terms.”
Chapter 2
The
following day, Doctor Splicer entered the hospital through the employee entrance
(old habits die hard, he reflected as he realized that he’d done so). He
wandered absently down his old route, past Radiology and through the lab, to
Oncology, and nodded in greeting to the janitor who was the only employee that
had been there long enough to remember when the infamous supervillain had been
just Eugene Splicer, a medical student who had been brilliant if unorthodox and
socially awkward. At the nurse’s station, he asked which room Joey Fischer was
in, and walked up to the door of room 212… then stopped, unsure for the first
time in decades what to do next. Bedside manner had never been his forte, after
all – research had always been where his talents and passion lay. Then he heard
a voice from the room calling “Nurse? Is Doctor Splicer here yet? The Caseworker
said he’d promised to come”, and an unexpected emotion, one he couldn’t name,
filled him and propelled him forward before he knew what was happening.
“Yes, Joey,
I certainly did. How are we feeling today?” He never knew why doctors asked
this question, especially of terminal patients, but he also never knew why
people said a lot of the things that they were just expected to say in
particular situations.
The boy’s
face lit up. “It IS you! Awesome! I’ve followed all the news stories about you!
Your work with the sentient plants was SO COOL! And brilliant, how you got the
cell walls to integrate into a brain-like matrix by altering just five key
epigenetic factors! No one had even considered that remotely possible, and you
just DID it!” Joey was practically bouncing in the hospital bed and grinning
ear to ear, despite all the tubes connected to him and the obvious effort that
breathing cost him.
“You… you
were not upset that they destroyed ten city blocks? And tried to eat the Masked
Vigilante? Most people were rather upset by that, I’m afraid.”
“Oh, that stuff
wasn’t GOOD, of course, but research involves risk, and anyone can make a
mistake dealing with unknown factors.”
“That’s what
I said, but FEMA and the Marines did not agree.”
“Well, they’re
not scientists, they wouldn’t get it.”
“Exactly, my
boy, exactly! How refreshing to speak with someone who understands…”
Three hours
later, the Doctor departed, again by his old route. But this time, he stopped at
the lab, searched through some blood samples, and then when he found what he sought
pocketed one of the vials that had already been processed (there would still be
enough untainted genetic material for him to make a beginning, to clone more if
needed for further experiments…)
Chapter 3
Six weeks
later, the Masked Vigilante got an unexpected message. It said, simply, “I am
at these coordinates. I need you to assist with an experiment. GS”
That evening,
there was a sound of breaking glass as the Vigilante dove through the window
and rolled to his feet, non-lethal but VERY powerful weapons at the ready… and
then hesitated as he saw a figure with his head on his desk, his arms covering
his head, surrounded by charts and monitors and vials and complicated glassware.
The figure didn’t even raise his head, but quietly said “Thank you for coming.
There’s something I need you to see.”
The Vigilante
remained where he was, remarking “Forgive my hesitation to approach you, but
last time you asked me to ‘assist with an experiment’ you had your Flesh Golems
restrain me so you could take skin samples from me by force. THEN you tried to
clone an army of me to take over the city. It took months for me to finally
clean up the last of that mess.”
“Indeed, and
I regret it now.”
“You do?”
“Certainly.
I made several miscalculations that should have been obvious to me.”
“Ah”.
“I know
where it went wrong, but I am no longer interested in repeating the experiment.
Please look at this monitor” went on the doctor in a monotone, pointing with one
hand at the screen while still covering his head with the other arm.
Approaching
cautiously, the Masked Vigilante saw the double helix and recognized the
pattern of a human white blood cell, probably juvenile and certainly cancerous.
VERY cancerous.
“Leukemia?
Not the usual kind, though, is it? Why did you make it?” he growled suspiciously.
“I didn’t. I
want to UNmake it. And I can’t. There is a boy. A boy…” Dr. Splicer trailed off
into silence, and then whispered “A boy who reminds me so much of my little brother
Kyle. Back before…”
Realization
dawned. “The Make-a-Wish kid? I was a bit surprised to hear about that. More
surprised to hear that you showed up.”
Head still
on the desk, the doctor wearily intoned “I have researched, and researched, and
experimented with every substance I can think of, every genetic code I can
think of, programmed viruses and bacterium to seek out and destroy the cancer
cells, programmed cancer cells to self-destruct, pushed back the boundaries of
knowledge in the field of oncology in the past few weeks. I can think of dozens
of ways – HUNDREDS of ways – to kill the cancer cells, but none that can kill
the cancer without killing the boy.”
“I’m… wow.
Of course I sympathize, but I’m confused. Why would you ask me of all
people for help? My knowledge of genetics is decent, but yours is unsurpassed.
I mean, it’s literally your NAME. And I’ve put you in JAIL five times this year
alone. AND broken your leg. Twice. And frankly, I specialize more in
punching your creations than in decoding their chromosomal anomalies.”
Suddenly the
Doctor’s head jerked up, and the normally stoic Vigilante flinched as Splicer howled
“I know how to make an army of killer mutants, but I do not know how to stop
one! YOU DO!” Shocked, the Vigilante realized that there were tears flowing
freely down Doctor Splicer’s face as he begged “Help me. Help me stop the
killers. Help me save the innocent. It’s what you do.”
After a full
two minutes without moving or speaking, the Vigilante sighed deeply, and
replied “You’ve been thinking about this in the wrong way.”
He sighed
again as he said “We both have.”
Reaching to
the touch screen, he turned the 3-dimensional image of the helix around as he
said “Look at this cell. It was once a healthy cell. It was part of the whole.
It performed its proper function. It maintained order and life.
But then
something happened to it. Something broke it. Something made it unable to
continue as it was. Something changed it into a thing that couldn’t fit in
where it should be, couldn’t remain within the boundaries, became consumed with
the hunger to dominate and take over the rest of the body. And attempts to kill
it have only made its hunger and virulence greater. This is not an enemy that
you CAN defeat by killing it.
So you must
convert it.
You must find
the switch that can change it back to a healthy cell. You must find the lever
that restores it to its rightful function. You must give it the instructions it
needs to be what it was supposed to be all along – a cherished member of the
body, not an outcast trying to destroy it.
And you, Doctor
Splicer, YOU must do it. I’ll do what I can to help you. But we both know that
you must, and you can, and you WILL, be the one who makes it happen.”
There was
another long silence, this time so drawn out that the Vigilante was about to
ask whether Splicer had heard him, when suddenly Doctor Splicer leaped out of the
chair and grabbed him before there was time to react… and then burst into sobs
while hugging him. And hugging him, and sobbing, and hugging him, and sobbing,
and soon to his horror the Vigilante was sobbing too as he hugged the Doctor
back.
Chapter 4
“I can’t… I
can’t BELIEVE that” muttered the Police Commissioner a year later.
“Believe it
or not, it’s true, Commissioner”, replied the Masked Vigilante. “Doctor Splicer
not only cracked the epigenetic puzzle that put Joey’s cancer in remission, he
has been working tirelessly to do the same for EVERY kid at the hospital. I’ve
literally had to be called in by hospital staff to physically restrain him and
force him to get some sleep, and even then he won’t unless I promise to make
sure the experiments continue while he’s out. I want to put in a word with his
parole board, I truly think he's reformed. Or, at least, if not, he’s far too
busy doing pro-social things to have any time for anti-social behaviors
anymore.”
“It’s highly
irregular, of course, but EVERYTHING about this town is. Sure, let’s talk to
the board about him. Any word on the Icemaker case?”
“Oh, he’s
actually been helping in the lab, Commissioner.”
“WHAT?!?!?!?!”
“Turns out
his knowledge of cryogenics has been extremely valuable for this kind of
research. And he was too terrified to refuse, frankly, because of what Doctor
Gene threatened to do to him if he didn’t help.”
“What the
HELL could scare the Icemaker? His brain doesn’t even HAVE an amygdala, he’s
not capable of feeling fear!”
“Apparently
that was one of the things that Doctor Gene changed about him. And apparently
the serum can change anything else Doctor Gene chooses. For example, whether
Icemaker continues to have a liver. Or two kidneys. Or two ears. OR whether he
gets to keep his other testic – ”
“Yeah, yeah,
I get the idea.” The Commissioner shook his head. “Never thought I’d see the
day.”
Permitting
himself a grim smile, the Masked Vigilante replied “And yet, day has come.”
