Halloween

I've got mixed feelings about this holiday. I no longer belong to the conservative church I grew up in, which taught that this holiday is evil and should not be celebrated by Christians... but I'm still a bit uneasy with the whole thing, because they do have a point. This IS a holiday about darkness, about fear, about evil and death. It DOES have its roots in pagan rituals of human sacrifice, in peasant superstitions about how to ward off goblins and witches, in people so terrified of the devil that they hoped to keep him from hurting them by offering other victims in their place.

And yet... that's the point, isn't it? Just as the pagan symbols of flaming trees and Astarte's eggs are important to Christmas and Easter, the symbols of evil and death are important to All Hallow's Eve. Before we truly understand the importance of Light, we must understand what it is to be in darkness.

What do the symbols really mean? In the days when people believed that ghosts, witches, goblins, werewolves, vampires, devils, were not only real but also walking the earth devouring people, the Church saw an opportunity to show that darkness is always overcome by Light.

Dress up once a year as all the things that you most fear, said the Church. Be an undead monster, be a demon, be Death itself, on the first day of winter, the season of death. Have your children make a game of it, and go from house to house demanding treats as the druids once went demanding victims, or as brigands went demanding money. Put out the Jack o' lanterns that used to mean the druids had taken a victim from the house. Fully experience all that is horrifying about life and death. Remember your fear of the dark, your fear of death and Hell, your fear of the things you and your fellow men are capable of doing to each other, your fear of all that is evil. Remember your fear of the worst evil that is in you, and your fear that it's stronger than the part of you that is good.

And then come to church for the feast of All Hallows. Come to where there is light, and warmth, and the company of family and friends. Come to the holy place. Come and remember those who have died, and are in Heaven, more alive now than we are. Come and remember that evil and death do not have the last word, but will disappear and be only a memory in the life everlasting.

Disney's Fantasia, of all things, captures what Halloween is really about. After "Night on Bald Mountain", in which the Reaper dances with the dead, the witches cackle, the mountain-sized Satan roars in power and revels in obscene glee - all cringe and melt away at the first touch of light, and with the dawn comes the clergy singing Ave Maria.

For darkness has no power except fear, and no power at all against Light.

Once a year, it's good to remember that.

Copyright John M. Munzer

Reminiscing

June 1st, 1995
An old song, a familiar lost smell that brings such longing you have to reach back.
Things half-remembered, good and bad, come back from Then and are Now again – first hazy, then wonderfully or terribly clear and real, depending on what happened and on the choices you made. But either way there’s a pang of regret that you can’t bring it back – either to do the things you left undone, or to feel and do and be what you felt and did and were back then.
A sweet moment you want to catch and hold forever, an old scar exploding into fresh pain (and still bleeding); the Book that tastes like honey in the mouth but is bitter to the stomach; remembering only now all you should have done but didn’t, all you shouldn’t have done but did, and how much you miss her, and how you lost that chance to change his life for the better; and where did all the time go? Why didn’t you spend more of it on the things that mattered?
“Why didn’t I”s and “It might have been”s tumble over “I remember when”s and “Wasn’t that beautiful?” That time of perfect harmony with a friend you never talk to anymore; that bitter hatred you held Then against your best friend Now; no excuses because it’s been so long you don’t need them anymore, only the plain truth as it was and never can be again.
You close the Book, having had too much honey-and-gall; you think maybe you’ll go call that person but you really know better; you know an hour of Now will wipe away an eternity of Then, and you’ll forget all over again until the next time the Book calls to you from the shelf, to be opened and lived again as it opens you and reminds you once more that your life is short and daily growing shorter, that there’s no room for false pretences and no time for hesitating. The wheel turns on, with neither pity nor malice, but it will not wait.

© John M. Munzer

Oops, we did it again

(Time to find another sweet, fresh-faced kid to destroy)

A parent of an 8-year-old girl just showed me the video that turned her and her kid off from Miley Ray Cyrus. Apparently, she REALLY wants the world to know she’s 18 now. When other kids turn 18 and declare their independence from their parents and their right to be sexual beings, they aren’t doing so on national media. But Miley Ray’s entire life has been on national media, so naturally she knows no other way to take this step except by dressing like a dominatrix and writhing in a birdcage.

Of course, the obvious parallels are getting drawn to Britney, Lindsay, and all the other sweet kid stars who grew up and decided to break their “wholesome” image as hard as they could. And of course, everyone says how sad that their kids’ heroine is going slutty now and is no longer a positive role model.

What we ought to realize, though, is this:

IT’S OUR DAMN FAULT.

We’ve always known that kids do not have good impulse control – that’s why they have parents. We’ve always known that money and fame can turn even responsible, fully-developed adults into irresponsible adolescents. And we’ve known for decades how particularly toxic the life of a child star is to that child. Before the teenage girls started doing it, Michael Jackson’s sad life was more than enough proof that a kid who grows up being a star, never actually gets to grow up. And we knew in advance that there was no way these kids would be capable of understanding and carrying the responsibility of being good role models, because they were too young.

BUT WE KEPT BUYING THEIR CD’S AND VIDEOS FOR OUR KIDS.

If there was no money to be made in exploiting cute kids and attractive (but immature) young adults, then Ms. Lohan might not be in court right now. Ms. Spears might not have hurt her kids. The Olsen girl might not have become anorexic. Michael might still be alive and making good music, and might not have become an addict and a pedophile. And Miley might be working to become an actual musician, instead of a soft-core porn star.

BUT WE KEPT BUYING THE DAMN CD’S.

If you don’t want your kids to have disappointing role models, and don’t want kids like Miley to grow up and become adults like Britney, then STOP BUYING THE DAMN CD’S. If you let these kids be exploited when they’re 12, they’ll start exploiting themselves when they’re 18. Point your kids in the direction of role models who are actually worth emulating – people who have talents besides cuteness. Spend time doing stuff with your kids instead of letting them watch the fucking Disney Channel. Cut off the money that feeds the problem, and the problem will end.

America:

We made them.

We destroyed them.

Shame on us.

© John M. Munzer

Growing up

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be a grown-up. Co-workers have told me about their teenage kids who want to go out when they like, stay up all night, have all the privileges of being adults without having to worry about things like who’s paying for the fun times and who’s up late wondering where they are. I’ve had clients at work who tell me that their rules and limits are bullshit, they’re adults and they should get to do what they want. And, now that I’m a father, I’m thinking a lot about what it will be like to deal with my own child going through the stages of wanting more freedom and less responsibility than she’s ready for. And I’ve been thinking about whether I myself have “arrived” as a grown-up.

I think it all comes down to this: When we’re kids, we think “When I’m a grown-up, I can do what I want”. But we only really grow up when we stop doing what we like, and start doing what we ought.

When I was in college staying up all night to hang out with friends instead of doing homework, I was an adult; but I wasn’t yet a grown-up. When I was on my own charging restaurant meals and electronic toys I couldn’t afford, I was an adult; but I wasn’t yet a grown-up. When I was just starting to work in a group home for kids and I yelled back when they yelled at me, I was an adult; but I wasn’t yet a grown-up.

Being a grown-up means that I have the right to stay up all night partying, but choose instead to go to bed, then get up and go to work. Being a grown-up means staying calm and respectful, even when people are angry and disrespectful towards me. Being a grown-up means seeing past what people say and how they say it, seeing instead what they NEED, and offering them a better way to get it. Being a grown-up means that I choose to do the right thing, regardless of what anyone else is choosing. Being a grown-up means knowing when to be flexible and when to stand firm. Being a grown-up means doing for others as I’d want them to do for me, but refusing to do for others what they ought to do for themselves. Being a grown-up means being sick and STILL going to work, then coming home to take care of a sick wife and baby. Being a grown-up means being angry, scared, tired, uncertain, and STILL using self-control.

Being a grown-up is HARD.

But when I was a kid who couldn’t wait to be a grown-up, I was right about one thing:

The only way to be in control of my own life is to be a grown-up.

The only way I can keep others from controlling me is to have self-control. The only way I can have control of my finances is to only buy what I can afford. The only way I get to keep the privileges, rights, and freedoms of being a grown-up is to carry the responsibilities.

On this, my first Father’s Day, I hope I’m finally grown-up enough to help my child become a grown-up.

© John M. Munzer

Behind those eyes

As I hold my baby daughter, singing to her, and we look long and hard into each other's eyes, I'm sure we both have the same thought:

"Behind those eyes, something is happening that is too big for me to understand."

© John M. Munzer

The Three Great Questions

WHAT do I long for?
WHY can't I say?
And HOW does she manage to know anyway?


© John M. Munzer

The Armageddon Virus

There was once a world very like ours, in which people were rapidly becoming utterly dependent upon computers. One mad genius decided it was time to destroy all the computers, demolish the present society, and start over. So he programmed an indestructible self-replicating virus that would read a program’s binary code, then reverse all the ones and zeros. His diabolical scheme (which had little to do with science, and a lot to do with his not taking his medication) was that this should turn it into the opposite program, bringing chaos and anarchy. BWA-HA-HA-HAAA!!!

As soon as the programmer finished and hit Enter, the virus attacked the first computer it could find – the one where it was created and stored. Against all reason, the theory worked: the program reversed itself and turned into the opposite program. It became an indestructible self-replicating repair program, and was in every computer in the world overnight. It repaired all the bugs that the computer companies had so carefully placed in each computer to ensure that people would have to get a new one every year. No one ever bought a new computer again. The economy, which was dependent on people buying new computers every year, collapsed, bringing chaos and anarchy. BWA-HA-HA-HAAA!!!

© John M. Munzer