"Family Values"

It struck me today that perhaps the clearest illustration of the difference between Republicans and Democrats, is the difference between Gus Walz and Claudia Conway.

Gus Walz is the son of VP candidate Tim Walz. Gus was recently criticized by conservative pundit Ann Coulter as "weird" for openly, unashamedly weeping with pride and joy and calling out "That's my dad!" when his father gave a speech.

Claudia Conway is the daughter of former Trump advisor Kellyanne Conway and founder of the Lincoln Project George Conway (who finally divorced after over 20 years of marriage). Claudia has been an outspoken critic of Trump, the Republican party, and her mother since her early teens, and sought emancipation from her parents at the age of 15. She claimed that her mother was verbally, physically, and sexually abusing her. 

And it strikes me that the self-styled "party of family values" that insists the country was better off, and families were stronger, back when both were run by conservative authoritarians... that philosophy led to the destruction of the Conway family. The party that insists their philosophy is the way to keep families together... was the force that drove this family apart.

On the other hand, you have Tim Walz, whose philosophy of "treat children like humans worthy of respect, protect vulnerable kids from being attacked, and make damn sure that no kid ever goes hungry" has his kid so overwhelmed with love and respect, even awe, that he can't contain it and doesn't try. 

I've seen a similar dynamic with my own teenaged kid. My kid loves and respects me, far more than I'd expected to see at their age to be honest. They have a number of friends who have very liberal parents, and those kids love and respect their parents. And they have friends who have very conservative "spare the rod and spoil the child" parents, and those kids may FEAR their parents, but they do not RESPECT their parents. Those kids have even said aloud, in my hearing, that they are jealous of the relationship my kid and I have. 

SO... which philosophy of how to use power and authority ACTUALLY builds stronger families? Which one ACTUALLY earns respect? Which one ACTUALLY promotes family values?

State of mind

 

Someone asked on Facebook "What state would you would never travel to, and why?" Lots of people responded they'd never go to a red state, naturally. And of course this question is actually fishing for clicks and arguments (best way to get "engagement") rather than thoughtful responses. Nevertheless, it got me thinking.

 

My first response was:

 

What makes you think we have time or money to visit other states? Most of us can barely afford the gas to get to our second jobs.

 

Then on further reflection I had another thought...

 

I sometimes think that's part of why the country has gotten more divided over the past few decades. Used to be possible for city people and country people to spend at least a little time in each other's worlds, learn a little about each other's perspectives and lifestyles and what each of us is working to build or maintain. Now we're too busy surviving to do any of that. 

Maybe the fact that New Yorkers no longer drive to Disney World and stop in a bunch of small Southern towns en route, and Idahoans live their whole lives without ever seeing the ocean just a few hundred miles away, and none of us ever have the money and leisure to see what Mexico City or Paris are like ... that makes us more insular, less empathetic, less open to new ideas and experiences and ways of thinking and living, and more likely to see anyone outside our own little circles as the enemy. Especially since we all spend every waking hour working or recovering from work, and want someone to blame for that. 

Makes it VERY easy to manipulate people into blaming those bastards over in the red states/ blue states, rather than blaming the wealthy people who created and benefit from the current system.

After all, if "travel broadens the mind", then surely lack of travel narrows it. 

 

The wonderful thing about therapy...

 One fine day in the Hundred Acre Wood, Rabbit was in his garden harvesting carrots. The sun was shining, the breeze was cool but not cold, and it was altogether restful and pleasant.

Suddenly Rabbit heard the sound of rapidly accelerating paws and the jubilant cry "RABBIT-IT'S-SO-GOOD-TO-SEE-YOU-CAN-I-GIVE-YOU-A-HUG?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

Rabbit froze, his eyes widening, his jaw drooping, his shoulders sagging...

And Tigger, his legs already beginning the pounce, saw what was happening and course-corrected. He landed on his back in a flurry of limbs several yards to the side of Rabbit rather than on top of him, scrambled back to his feet and trotted slowly up to Rabbit, his expression changed in a moment from joy to concern and (it must be noted) shame. 

"Aw no, aw jeez, aw buddy boy, I'm so sorry, aw no aw no he was catatonic a whole ten minutes last time I forgot, aw man we worked on this so much in therapy and I KNOW how trauma works now and I still ... aw no... Rabbit can ya hear me buddy boy? You're safe, buddy boy, breathe... inhale... hold it... exhale... wait... picture that square, Rabbit, keep breathing, I'm sorry I'm so sorry..."

Within moments, Rabbit's frozen thousand-yard stare thawed into a warm smile. Rabbit took Tigger's paw and patted it, saying, "Thank you, dear friend, that was MUCH better than last time. It wasn't perfect, but it was MUCH better and I want you to be proud of the steps you're taking in the right direction. I can see how hard you've been working on respecting my boundaries and my needs. I would LOVE a hug now."

As the friends embraced (with affection and mutual enthusiasm and consent), Rabbit added, "I really appreciate that you gave me a Tigger warning."

The Space Orcs of Space Orcs

 "Oh hork oh hork oh hork oh hork oh hork we are so horking HORKED!"

The Copplian first mate had never seen zir captain afraid of ANYTHING, and was shocked to see the triumphant body langauge shift so suddenly into abject terror.

"Captain, what's wrong?"

"First mate, the vessel we just captured has a HUMAN aboard!"

NOW it was clear why the captain was terrified. But, surely...

"But surely, captain, the stories must be exaggerated. They CAN'T be as dangerous as the legends say."

"Have you been to their homeworld?"

"Negative, captain."

"I have. I was there on the first recon missions before contact was made. Our suits were just barely capable of withstanding the toxic and corrosive atmosphere the humans breathe. We landed in a place the Terrans call "Florida". I observed one of the humans engaged in a sport called "gator wrestling". An animal several times larger than the human, with a bite force in excess of eight THOUSAND Newtons ... and the human had wrestled it into submission. Humans had learned that the muscles which CLOSE the beast's jaws are incredibly powerful, but the muscles which OPEN the jaws are far weaker. And afterwards, the humans were EATING chunks of alligator. Coated in capsaicin, which is TOXIC to humans. And showing every sign of enjoyment. You see, humans are not as strong as we are, nor as numerous, nor as intelligent, but they are unrivalled at two things: Surviving impossible odds, and finding ways to exploit the weaknesses of much more powerful enemies."

"But sir, as you say, we have every possible advantage. Our ship is faster and more powerful, our weapons are more powerful, we are physically larger and stronger and faster, we are more intelligent. We can easily destroy this one human."

"One, certainly. But are you prepared to force our species to fight eight BILLION Death Breathers? I also learned something else about humans: They have practiced their skill of defeating more powerful enemies by fighting the most terrifying possible opponents."

"The Gloxxan? Five meters high with leaden exoskeletons and mandibles that can slice through metal?"

"No, worse. OTHER HUMANS. You have perhaps heard that there are many tribes of humans, and that they used to fight each other before learning that there were other intelligent species in the universe?"

"Yes, sir."

"And you have, perhaps, heard of the Russians?"

Now the first mate grew, if possible, even more terrified than the captain. "The human aboard the vessel we captured is RUSSIAN? The humans that burned their own city to the ground in order to ensure that the invaders would freeze to death?"

"No, First Mate. This human is not Russian, and I would NOT advise you to refer to her as such in her presence. Do you see the yellow and blue symbol on her torso? That means she is UKRAINIAN."

There was a long silence as the First Mate digested this information. 

Then:

"Unconditional surrender and abject apology, sir?"

"Unconditional surrender and, as you say, abject apology, First Mate."

Fourth of July and national pride

I have to admit, it's been getting increasingly difficult to feel patriotic on our nation's birthday. 

It's been damn hard to feel much pride in a country wherein a third of the voters STILL support the guy who tried to overthrow the will of the people by violence, and continually deny that's what he did despite the evidence of their own eyes. And another third couldn't even be bothered to vote against the guy who led the charge to overthrow the will of the people.

It's been damn hard to feel much pride in a country where so many of its citizens believe that compelling everyone to stand in a show of respect to a flag would be patriotism, but endorsing a citizen's right to protest when the enforcers of our country's law aren't enforcing it equally is NOT patriotism.

It's been damn hard to feel much pride in a country where so many of its citizens believed that their right to go to the grocery store without a mask during a global pandemic was more important than the right of their own grandparents to live.

It's been damn hard to feel much pride in a country where so many of its citizens believe that it would be better off being run by their specific brand of "Christian values", and never ever realize that their brand of values are the opposite in every way to those preached by their Christ.

It's been damn hard to feel much pride in a country where so many of its citizens believe without evidence that drag queens and trans women are the most likely people to sexually assault children, and want to make laws to protect kids from this imaginary threat... when the fact is that statistically most sex offenders are cisgender heterosexual men who attend church regularly. (And of COURSE sex offenders go to church and worm their way into children's ministry. Where else are they likely to find kids whose parents teach them to obey religious authority figures without question, won't give them any sex education beyond "Don't", and make them feel ashamed of anything related to sex? Where else would they find such easy victims who are so unlikely to report the crime?)

It's been damn hard not to wonder whether democracy is even a good idea, when it's the system that put a toddler who's perpetually mid-tantrum in charge of the Big Red Button. And might even do so again. Even AFTER hearing about all that motherfucker's crimes against democracy. 

YES. All of that.

AND.

It's also the country that was founded on the (at the time radical) idea that no one human or group of humans should have absolute power.

It was founded on the idea that the citizens should control the government rather than vice versa. 

It was founded on the idea that no one should ever be powerful enough to stop even the most powerless person from publicly criticizing them. 

It was founded on the idea that the laws should change as society changes, that human beings could and SHOULD become more moral over time and change national policy accordingly. 

It was founded on the idea that liberty should continue to expand to more and more people over time. 

It was founded on the idea that the government IS the people and the people ARE the government. Taxation could no longer be theft because it was the people deciding collectively how their resources should be pooled for the common good, not just one guy in a fancy golden hat taking and spending their money on his own whim.

It was founded by people who even in their own failings and hypocrisy recognized their failings and hypocrisy - people who called slavery a blight and an abomination even as they continued to practice it, but nevertheless expressed the hope that one day their more enlightened descendants would end the practice. 

It was founded on the idea that everyone deserves at a bare minimum to have life, liberty, and the ability to pursue happiness (as the individual defines happiness).

It was founded by people who knew that humans were ignorant and brutal but hoped that over time humans would become more enlightened and less violent, and created a system to give humans room to grow into better people, a system that gave society room to grow into a better society.

The Founding Fathers created a system wherein people could realize that what the Founding Fathers wanted... was for their children's children's children to not have to give a shit what the Founding Fathers would have wanted. Because they knew we would have more information and be able to make better decisions.

The Founding Fathers created a system of checks and balances that, while frustratingly slow to enact necessary changes for the better, ALSO made it as difficult as possible for any one misguided person to make any permanent changes for the worse.

They made a system wherein people could express their patriotism not with unqualified declarations of love for "my country, right or wrong", but wherein people could love their country enough to demand that it become a better country. 

And that, despite our country's many, many flaws, IS worth celebrating. That IS worth being proud of.

Through the Bella Donna's eyes

 

I've got something weird going on with one of my eyes. It looks like it should be okay, so don't worry about me if you're a reader who knows me. The point is, one of the treatments is atropine eye drops. And the eye drops did what they needed to do, but as a side effect the vision in that eye is super blurry. Like, I have to use the biggest font possible and wear an eyepatch as I type this (yarr, avast me hearties, etc) because it's impossible for me to read otherwise. Fortunately it's just one eye, so I have enough vision to be more or less functional if I cover the malfunctioning orb.

I was curious because I knew I'd heard the word "atropine" before and had associated it with some poison that would have been used in, like, an Agatha Christie story. So I looked it up, and sure enough, it's extracted from deadly nightshade - also known as belladonna.

And it's called belladonna - Italian for "beautiful lady" - because during the Renaissance women used to use it in eyedrops to dilate their pupils - the idea was that guys would find their eyes more beautiful because their pupils were so wide. It would send the guy a subconscious signal something like "Dude, this girl is totally into me, her eyes are wide with wonder at every word I say".

So now that I've experienced for myself how, with this one eye affected by atropine, I can't read, can't drive, have to close the affected eye in order to do pretty much anything that requires seeing clearly...

I'm starting to imagine how some of the classic "chivalrous" stuff that men were supposed to do for women got started.

I'm starting to think that some contessa pulled her grandson aside before his first date and told him, "Listen, bambino, your girlfriend can't breathe because of all the corsets she's wearing to have the figure that you think she ought to have, and she can't see because she put LITERAL POISON, IN HER EYES, to give you the impression that your conversation is WAY more scintillating than it actually is. So the least you can do is make sure she doesn't break her neck. Help her in and out of the carriage, her depth perception is off and her mobility is limited. Pull her chair out for her and push it in so she doesn't fall on her culo. Take her arm and guide her, she can't see for shit and she'll break her nose on the doorpost if you leave her to fend for herself. Order dinner for her, she can't read the menu. You're paying, because she can't tell which coins are which. And if you don't do those things and she gets hurt, your nonna will make you wish you'd never been born, capiche?"

Humans as space orcs: A breath of fresh air

Warning. Warning. Malfunction in the atmospheric waste processing unit. Atmosphere will become unbreathable in approximately 500 b'Logan respiration cycles.

The computer's psychic warning sent immediate panic throughout the crew... all except one.

The human, of course, couldn't perceive psychic messages and needed it translated via visual symbols or vibrations in the air. Fortunately, the b'Logan Gra-lor had a translator unit and was able to make the human understand the danger. 

"How long do we have?"

... "PROCESSING... The time until the atmosphere becomes toxic will take about five of your Earth minutes. We will not have enough time to repair the unit before we expire. We must say our last goodbyes now."

"To hell with goodbyes, I'm not giving up that easy" retorted Greg, as he grabbed Gra-lor and the translator unit, tucked them both easily under his arm, and began sprinting towards the atmospheric waste processing unit. 

..."PROCESSING... Human Greg, it is dangerous in there! Even now the crew members inside the waste processing room will be near expiration from the high concentration of toxic gases!"

"Then I'd better get them out of there, don't you think?" panted Greg, winded from unaccustomed exercise, as he punched in the code to enter the room. "So this atmosphere is now going to be even MORE toxic than what you normally breathe?" he queried as he left Gra-lor outside and strode in, grabbing two b'Logan engineers in each hand and quickly carrying them back into the hall.

Warning. Warning. Malfunction in the atmospheric waste processing unit. Atmosphere will become unbreathable in approximately 200 b'Logan respiration cycles.

..."PROCESSING... Human Greg, the atmosphere in the room is 75 percent nitrogen, a negligible amount of carbon dioxide, and the rest is a corrosive toxin so potent that it can reduce ferrous material to a crumbling dust given enough time."

"Wait, what? Are you telling me the atmosphere in that room is now 25 percent OXYGEN?"

..."PROCESSING... Human Greg, YES, that is what I am telling you."

"Well why the FUCK didn't you say so in the first place?" roared Greg, ripping off his suit's helmet.

Gra-lor gasped, then choked and sputtered on what he'd just inhaled. Greg, meanwhile, shut the door and locked him out.

Then, grinning broadly, he took in a huge breath of air, scanning the room, and then exhaling slowly over the gills of the nearest unconscious b'Logan engineer, who began to stir.

Taking another deep breath, Greg held it long enough to bring out another two handfuls of crew, then went back, again and again, until it was confirmed that he was the only lifeform left in the room. Then he sat and just... breathed.

Atmospheric levels of oxygen down to safe levels in the body of the ship. Down to 18.5% inside the atmospheric waste processing room. Human Greg appears to be losing consciousness...

As Greg's eyes started to close, he saw the b'Logan engineers, now in their own suits, flooding the room. Half of them were scrambling to repair the damage and the other half frantically dragging a hose towards Greg's mouth...

..."PROCESSING... Human Greg, you are awake! I am experiencing such joy!"

"Thanks. Ugh, I've got the worst headache. Hey, I'm breathing without my helmet now, and you're wearing a suit. How's that happening?"

..."PROCESSING... Human Greg, we have recalibrated the atmospheric waste processing system so that it now concentrates all of the oxygen and dumps it into your quarters, except for what is pumped into your suit's tanks. A stable 21 percent oxygen, slightly higher than what you'd normally experience on Earth. You will be able to breathe freely in here from now on, and we will be able to breathe freely everywhere else in the ship. Additionally, the waste processing system will be in less danger of being overloaded again since you will be processing a large percentage of the oxygen now. We all owe you our continued existences, Human Greg", continued Gra-lor.

"How did you little guys get me IN here? I'm as big as fifty of you!"

..."PROCESSING... Human Greg, then it is fortunate that there are five hundred of us."

Greg bared his teeth, in what humans insisted was a "friendly grin" while every other known species, sentient or otherwise, did not view this as a sign of friendliness. But Human Greg was a fast learner, and lowered his head in the not-a-threat gesture that was more readily recognizable to non-humans.

"Then it sounds like I owe my life to all of you as well. Thanks, buddy" replied Greg, this time smiling with his mouth shut so his mouth-bones wouldn't startle Gra-lor.

..."PROCESSING... Human Greg, it is strange to see you without your suit, and especially without your helmet. If you'll forgive my saying so, the effect is unnerving."

"Really? How so?"

..."PROCESSING... Human Greg, all over the rest of your body are disproportionately huge muscles covering the bones, which makes your appearance alien yet robust. But your head - aside from the jaw muscles it is mostly bone, covered only by a thin layer of dermis. It's like watching a skeleton speaking, as it breathes in death, and yet exhales life. It's... I believe the nearest equivalent concept in your speech is 'uncanny', Human Greg. Seeing you without your suit, breathing your natural atmosphere, I see why other species refer to yours as the Death Breathers. And yet, the uncanniness is... in an odd way, lovely. Not aesthetically, but as a sort of living poetry."

Greg laughed, another human behavior to which the b'Logan had never quite gotten accustomed. "Well, I've always thought you little fellas were cute in a hideous way too, since we're not being offended by each other's instinctive responses to the unfamiliar. I'm glad we can help each other to stay alive, and I'm glad that one being's poison can be another's breath of fresh air."